Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Moon Was Just a Sliver Back Then

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So, these aren't the most beautiful photos, but this is a real life blog, and sometimes in real life you spend too much time at the mall and rapidly run out of daylight and realize that the only way you're going to get outfit photos is if you take them in the mall parking lot. So here I am, in the parking lot. At least I found a little patch of trees, right? I got this sweater for Christmas. It's from Madewell and I spent a decent amount of time fawning over it, but it was too expensive for me too just buy for myself without feeling way guilty.

Oh! And since I'm on winter break and have a bit of (read, way too much) extra time, I thought it might be fun to make a Q&A video blog to share! So, if there's anything you're curious about, just leave the question in your comment, and when I get a few, I'll put up a video blog answering them. So, ask away, if you please!

Sweater: Madewell, Skirt, Bag: Urban Outfitters, Shoes: Ruche

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Brooch Approach

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Man, I kind of love today's batch of photos. Not because I think my outfit is "earth-shattering" or because my hair looks so extremely luxurious. They were just such fun photos to take. That, and my facial expression in most of them is "skeptical/concerned," basically what my face usually looks like. So, lots of pictures today. Also, I wore not one, but two brooches today. And one of them is so obnoxious and weighs about eighty pounds. Hence the post title. The other one my lovely friend Charlotte gave to me for my birthday. It reminds me of a cross section of a tiny tree.

Blouse: JCPenney, Jeans: Levi's, Cardigan: Zara, Shoes: Le Bunny Bleu (not that you can really see them well)

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Jumps!

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Landings!

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Monday, December 26, 2011

With My Bear Hands

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Do you ever take a batch of outfit photos where you look at them and just wish you could virtual scooch your bangs into proper formation? Maybe that's too specific, but that's how I feel about these pictures. I'm a fan of the outfit, but I just want to go back and stop my hair from "acting a fool." Anyway, now that I've opened this post with a complaint, I hope you guys had a lovely Christmas! I wore this yesterday for a day of non-stop eating and present opening. Needless to say, I was quite under-dressed. I'd been coveting this Bear Sweater (yes, I care for it so much that it's now a proper noun) for months, but when I saw it originally the store had run out of my size. See, it's actually from the men's section of JCPenney, but when you fall in love with a Bear Sweater, you don't care about the particulars. I was so very thrilled to unwrap it yesterday morning, and had to wear it immediately. What did you guys do for Christmas? Did you get any gifts so fantastic that they garner being made into proper nouns?

The Bear Sweater: JCPenney men's section, skirt: H&M, shoes: Le Bunny Bleu, bow: Beautifully Regular

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Christmas jumps!

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My poor attempt at a bear impression. I was never much of an actor:


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Just kidding. Here's mine, for real:

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Bears!


Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas to You

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Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you're all having a lovely, cozy, happy day full of cookies, family, and all things good. Yesterday, we had some family over for Christmas eve, and it was quite a silly, fun evening, the themes (topics of discussion/things that kept coming up out of nowhere) of which were "practicality, pantslessness, and plaid." Two things: 1. My family is a bunch of odd folks whom I love dearly, and 2. I didn't realize the Christmas themes all started with P until just now. Also, there was a lot of delicious food. So much food. Oh God, I ate so much food and it was so good and I don't even regret it. But anyway, clothes. I almost went red and green with my outfit, but I went more red/white with a teensy bit of gold instead. I'll probably end up staying in my oh so fashionable reindeer pajamas today, but maybe, just maybe, I'll come up with a Christmas outfit for tomorrow. Anyway, have a merry Christmas!

Dress: Asos, Sweater: Forever 21, Shoes: A Wild Tonic Vintage

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Icicles

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Thank you is kind of an inadequate thing to say to those of you who read my ultra-personal post yesterday and left your words of kindness, advice, and stories of your own. I was kind of nervous about posting it. I mean, I'm very open about my life and experiences, and have shared personal things on the ol' blog before, but that post was a bit harder to write. Like I said, I'm only starting to come to terms with my new confidence and happiness and growth. But enough about that. Onto more important things...like clothes? Uh. Not my best segway, eh? This outfit kind of reminded me of icicles, and ice princesses and all because of the beige and blue tones. When I put this together this morning, I just felt it was lacking a bit of cutesy-ness, so thankfully Jasmine came to the rescue, as the bow she sent me seemed to be the perfect touch of cutesy! Also, "the perfect touch of cutesy" sounds like a terrible romantic comedy/psychological thriller.

Blouse/dress: H&M, Sweater: Forever 21, Jeans: Levi's, Boots: Lucky Brand, Coat, bag: Urban Outfitters

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Let Your Heart Be Light

The holidays always make me reflective. New Years is all about a new start, leaving behind the past, thinking about what you want to change. Christmas has you thinking about who you care about and why and how much. In the past few months, I've asked myself all of these questions over and over, and made decisions, found opportunities, that have changed me in so many ways. In a span of months, I feel like a completely different person, with new improvements and new issues. Whenever I talk to my psychologist, I tell her how weird it feels to have confidence, how weird it feels to stand up for myself, and she always tells me that it's new, but that it's a "new normal." That these moments aren't moments, but rather I've changed, and that's something I'm trying to grow into and realize.


At the end of August, I ended a relationship that consumed my life because I let it. I've never been an extremely confident person. I often seek reassurance from others, and never was able to deal with my problems on my own. If I didn't have an outlet for my pain I internalized it and became bitter to those around me. This relationship exacerbated those things. I was with someone who was a nice guy. We had a lot of things in common and I could tell him mostly anything. And he told me he loved me. But I was always wrong. Whenever I did anything that upset him, it became an issue to talk about. If he did something that bothered me, it was my fault for being upset. This became normal. I stood with him for four years, grew more bitter, more needy, less confident. Then, our four year anniversary was drawing upon us and I panicked. We spent a week apart and I decided I needed to leave the relationship that was my primary outlet for everything in my life. Yes, I doubted myself and took back my decision, but ultimately, I realized that I needed to be alone, needed to grow, and needed to find a relationship that let me flourish instead of shrivel into someone I hate. That was the first time in a long time that I was really proud of myself.


Since then, there have been arguments where I've heard things like, "how often in our relationship did you know you to be right and me to be wrong?" and "I know for certain no one's going to love you like I do." And somehow, I've gotten past it, found enough worth in myself to know he's wrong, that I'm doing the right thing. That someone who loves you doesn't say and do those things. That I can be strong on my own.


Since then, I've been so much happier. Of course I cry over being lonely, over the hurtful things that have been said on both of our parts. I think everyone does. But I feel so much lighter. I'm learning to be confident in who I am as a single entity, as completely myself. I'm less bitter. I know how to talk myself out of sadness that used to cripple me and shut me down. I can turn myself around on my own. I definitely still struggle with this, but what used to be constant problem in my life is now scarce.


This weekend, I met the girlfriend of someone I developed a crush on. There was this moment of nausea, or wanting to leave and go home, to run into the bathroom and cry, to shut down. I didn't do any of those things. I talked to her, I talked to other people, I was happy and it was genuine. At the end of the night, I had another one of those moments of wondering who this person was, that I'd become. If you really knew me, the way my family and ex-boyfriend do, you would know that this isn't something I was capable of five months ago. The littlest setbacks shut me down, made me miserable, and I absolutely needed someone to comfort and reassure me. Now, I was able to talk to myself and say, "you met her, and that's okay. Now it'll be easier to move on from this, and that's really what you need to do. Just be happy and confident. That's the best thing you can do. Maybe she'll even be a little jealous."


These are small victories that I'm sure most people don't have to deal with, but for me, their giant walls that I never expected to be able to scale. Every day holds some new little challenge, but I'm learning that my progress is sturdy - it's not going anywhere, no matter how many setbacks I have, tantrums I throw, sobbing fits I have (because I still have them.) It's still such a strange thing to say, but I'm so proud of myself. I feel kind of haughty saying that honestly. But, I know that it's true, that I have things to be proud of and that I need to acknowledge that.


I don't know that I have any advice. I'm no expert on anything. I handled this break up in quite a messy way. But you ladies reading this, I know that you're all wonderful. That you deserve great things. It took me too long to realize it, but fears are often unfounded, and life is too short to be involved in something that makes you unhappy to any extent. Whether it just bums you out, or really breaks you down. You're worth far too much to be unhappy.


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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Hang a Shining Star Upon the Highest Bough

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I wore this outfit on Sunday to an event at work. I actually picked up this dress on Black Friday a few weeks back for really cheap. It's always kind of satisfying getting a really good deal on something, isn't it? Now, if you don't mind me, I'm going to frantically wrap presents and cram Christmas music into my ears while it's still acceptable for me to do so.

Holiday question of the day: Do you have your holiday outfits planned out? I for one have no idea what I'm wearing for Christmas eve or New Year's.

Dress, hat: JCPenney, Tights: We Love Colors, Jacket: Tag sale, Shoes: DSW, Pin: Beautifully Regular

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Fake Christmas

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Yesterday was my family's first Fake Christmas. You see, for the first time ever, my sister's not going to be with our family for Christmas, since her and her husband are going to California to be with his family this year. This is a real bummer for all of us (except Cheryl's husband probably) since we're quite close-knit and have always been together for the holidays. So, we decided to celebrate Fake Christmas this year so we could all be together for an almost holiday. And let me tell you, it was a wonderful day. There were presents, some delicious food (including macarons), Scattergories, and an absurd amount of laughs. There were a few moments where I nearly forgot it wasn't real Christmas, that's how good it was. It's lame to think that Cheryl's going to have to be with another part of her family for the holidays now, but it's comforting to know that fake Christmas is almost as good as the real thing, as long as we're all together.


Since we were pretending that it was Christmas, I wanted to wear a very holiday-ish outfit. This plaid blouse reminds me of wrapping paper, and red is one the most Christmassy colors there is. Oh, and you'll probably notice I got a haircut! I've been wanting to go pretty short for a while, and I'm happy I just did it. I mean, it's all nice and styled from the hair-salon still, and will probably never look like this again, but I'm hoping it'll look just as nice au naturel.

Today's holiday question: Are you done with your holiday shopping? Thankfully I'm all done, and quite pleased with the gifts I got for everyone. I always like finding gifts that I think my family and friends will really appreciate, and I was able to get most of my gifts from etsy and everything.

Skirt, purse: Urban Outfitters, Cardigan: H&M, Blouse: J Crew via Goodwill, Tights: Asos, Shoes: A Wild Tonic Vintage

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole

Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas is Coming

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So, I'm officially done with the semester! Hooray! In order to celebrate, my mother and I headed into the city to do a bunch of touristy "Christmas in New York" things. Even though I've lived in New York City my whole life, I haven't been down to the Rockefeller Center tree since I was quite little. We went to Saks, Tiffany&Co, and Bergdorf Goodman to look at the whimsical Christmas window displays, went to Rockefeller Center, and explored the Christmas markets in Bryant Park. I'm not big on crowds, but my Christmas delight outweighed any sort of bitterness I could feel. Christmas! So, below are some of my favorite pictures from the day, and maybe some captions if I feel like adding them. Be warned, there are roughly eight million photos in this post.

Christmas Question of the Day: What's your favorite holiday tradition? In my family, every year we buy someone underwear to embarrass them. The person is never let in on it until they open it, and generally everyone laughs at their expense and gets a real kick out of it. Speaking of which, I haven't gotten "the underwear" in years now. Oh no!

First stop, Bergdorf Goodman! They had some funky animal themed windows full of beautiful clothes, and a polar bear.

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Then, we stopped at Tiffany&Co, sort of by accident. They had the most adorable display though. Christmas Carousel theme!

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Saks had a little story to go along with their window display. It had something to do with bubbles, but I kept forgetting to read the little snippets of the tale, mostly because I was distracted by all the pretty things

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Then, twas on to Rockefeller Center! Somehow, we found this gigantic tree

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This is what happens when my mom takes a picture of me with the large tree:

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This is what happens when I try to take a picture of my mom with the large tree:

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Angels!

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And the lovely Bryant Park tree. I may have liked this one more than the Rockefeller Center tree. Whoops!

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Until tomorrow,
Nicole